Monday, April 18, 2011

Fausta C. - Stop Gossip...


Okay so I tried super hard not to gossip! Although, I still did to an extent.
So, I don’t really find that I gossip too much about my close friends or people that surround me on a daily basis. But, I looove gossiping about celebs and customers that come into the restaurant. I think that I feel like if they do not know me or if I don’t know them personally that it is ok, which was a nice reason to have this challenge because it made me think of the things I was saying, why I was saying it about them and, how it made me feel.
There is one table that always comes into the restaurant about a few times a week, everyone hates serving them because they NEVER tip and, to top it all off, they are never nice to their server. However, I ended up talking to them one day at lunch. Shortly after they left, the woman came back in and slipped me a $20 and told me that she does not believe in tipping as she serves her family at home every day and she does not get tips from them. She said that I am always so nice to her family that she thought I deserved that money. I felt horrible. I call her the pig lady as she slightly resembles a pig............ and anytime a new girl starts, I always warn them that whenever these people come in they won’t get a tip from them, and I have continuously made fun of them behind their backs. It made me feel like such a bad person accepting this money from her because I’m sure if she knew half of what I say behind her back she would never step foot into the restaurant again. So I told all of the gals that were on shift that she gave me money because it seemed miraculous and, in an instant everyone was like "ugh I hate them, they are so cheap, they are fat, they are blah blah blah" you get the point. For a moment I was like "yeah I know, I hate serving them too, they are sooooo annoying". But then I realized how bad I felt about all of the things I had ever said about these people, and, here I was saying the same old stuff just because all of the other girls were making fun of them. I ve never actually thought about it before, but I think in some ways gossiping with other girls makes you feel as if you have a common interest , even if that interest is talking about other people behind their backs.
So I have another experience that doesn’t involve me directly, but it made me think about how women verbally view other women in a negative way, especially if they are jealous. I was at a blades game, and during an intermission girls will come out and throw t-shirts, prizes, etc. These girls behind me literally started shouting at them "Pucks!!! Oh you know you like the c*ck, you f-ing sluts!!” No word of a lie, when they stopped yelling at these girls they continued to gossip about them behind their backs. It genuinely made me sad for the girls that were yelling this stuff. It made them look soooooo insecure, jealous and, slightly pathetic. Especially, considering that I actually knew one of them, she is older than me and, has a child. There was a bunch of little kids sitting in front of us so it seemed very inappropriate.
I am proud to say that while I was at the store several times this last week I did not buy a gossip magazine, which I always do. This challenge was hard though. There were many times where I'd start to say something and, stop myself. I know I will give into gossip for the rest of my life and, I don’t truly think that all gossip is negative. No one wants to hear someone talk about others 24-7 including me, but I think I may still have to pick up the occasional gossip mag at the store But, it was nice to have it in the back of my mind that this is wrong and has negative effects on me and, the people surrounding me. I will definitely try harder to continue the stop gossip challenge in my everyday life. I found that silence worked the best for me, I have a big mouth and it wasn't actually that hard to keep it shut!!!

26 comments:

  1. Fausta, thank you for sharing your experiences this week in your challenge to stop-gossip. I loved your raw honesty in the entire post but especially about how gossiping is normally a huge part of your work life. I honestly think that God arranged for that woman to come back into your work and slip you the money to show you that negatively criticizing others is wrong and that our judgment towards other people aren’t always right. I’m not judging you though, I know from experience that the restaurant industry is one of the easiest places to judge people who you do not know, and spread conflict among other servers about annoying customers. However, you are in a position of authority and with authority comes responsibility. I believe that if you stay connected to that inner voice urging you ‘say the right thing’ then you will begin to positively influence the people around you at work and naturally people will respect you more as a leader, friend and person. As the proverb says “A fool gives vent to his spirit but a wise man quietly holds it back”. I hope you will continue to model a ‘wise’ attitude when you get tempted to vent/gossip at work. I also commend you for overcoming the urge to buy the gossip magazines and for using silence as a means to stop gossip. You were the first person to say that it was easy to keep silent, so bravo my friend. I am happy that you received the revelation about the negative effects gossip has in your life and the people surrounding you

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