"It is time to seek the Lord" Hosea 10:12

I was thinking about when I first heard the phrase “God loves you”. Almost simultaneously, I was taken back to the earliest memories I had from church when I was 5 or 6 years old. I remembered feeling restless having to sit in the uncomfortable wooden pews, and listen to the angry preacher, who I thought resembled a taller version of my father. My eyes would often drift off the pulpit to the women who were, only minutes before, shouting and dancing like buffoons. I didn’t understand how they could, all of a sudden, be so calm and attentive.  Maybe it was because the preacher man was yelling at them. When my mother leaned over and whispered in my ear, I sat up straight, expecting that my fidgeting was distracting the others. “Do you know who God is?” she asked. To my childlike mind, this rang a bell and I was reminded of the “Where’s Waldo?” book. This indeed was a trick question. When my eyes tapered around the room, a sense of relief swept over my body as I located the man she was looking for in a matter of seconds. With poise I responded “Yes”. Just as fast as the word slipped off my tongue I pointed to the pastor who looked like my dad. “No” she said unsympathetically as she pushed my hand down. Shock had now replaced the pride I had felt seconds before. He wasn’t God? Then why are we here? Who is this man? And who is God? I asked myself.

 Reflecting on this memory makes me laugh at how naïve I was. It also paints a perfect picture of how many people, even new believers, still do not have a clear understanding of who God is. I am not saying that in our earthly minds, we can understand the complexity of God -just like the cornflakes I ate for breakfast can’t comprehend the totality of me. However, I believe our many attempts to understand God with our ‘head’ have only cheapened him. I can testify that for many years to follow, and many half hearted attempts, I continued to have a blurred vision of the character of God. Naturally, it was easier to believe in a man I could visibly see, to be God, than the reality that there is this invisible God, who required me to have ‘faith’ of his existence. Not only that, I would have to believe that he wanted a relationship with me through his Son Jesus. To be completely honest, it seemed less humiliating to think the pastor of my church was God when I was five, than to admit to myself that I still didn’t possess this intimate ‘relationship’ with Him, 15 years later.

There came a time in my life where I wanted to know why I believed what I did. I no longer wanted to take the preachers word for it. I was tired of hearing about the relationship that other people had with our Creator. I wanted to experience this so-called relationship, if it existed, on my own. I wanted to know him intimately, instead of knowing Him by association. I was tired of being spoon fed by others, (preachers, my parents, authors, blogsJ) It was time for me to take off my spiritual diapers and grow up. It was my time to find out for myself, who is God, and if this intimate relationship with Him exists.

“And you shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart”  Jeremiah 29:13

When I made the decision to re-dedicate my life to Jesus (for the third time), I also made a commitment to seek God with all of my heart. I brought my handheld leather Bible with me on my four month trip to Asia, and devoted a portion of everyday to read it, starting from Genesis. At first, I viewed reading the small print as an assignment but not before long, finding time to read my Bible became my number one priority. I soon found myself skipping out on days at the beach, to find a comfy chair in a coffee shop, and discover the heart of my creator. I started to pen my thoughts, feelings, the verses that I liked, didn’t like, and the ones that I did not understand in my journal.  Then, to my surprise I began to notice something radical happening on the inside, on the level of my heart. It was like, all of a sudden the words of God were no longer floating around in my mind, but were unlocking the chambers of my heart, and filling it with a divine sense of wisdom. I started to feel him inside of me, I could see Him at work around me, and each day I would hear him speak to me through that inner voice. I can honestly say that my walk with God started to resemble the romantic feelings a couple gets at the beginning of a relationship. As I spent time with him, talking and listening, the butterflies, goose-bumps, and sheer excitement would flow through my body like a title wave of love. Like the highlight of most relationships, I was in cloud nine when He said that he loved me. The phrase God loves me, was no longer a head-truth, rather, it became a truth which pierced my heart to the point where nothing or nobody could ever convince me otherwise. I got to hear it and feel it from my Creator as He whispered it to my heart day after day and I was swept off my feet every single time. From this moment forward, I would never doubt or contradict the fact that God desires to woo me with his Love. And, for the first time in my life, I could honestly say that I loved him too.

“Ask and it shall be give to you, seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be opened” Matthew 7:7

One morning, in Bali, I took a stroll down the white sandy beach just thanking God for everything that he had blessed me with. I knew He was listening to me, but for the past few days his presence seemed far away. As I dipped my feet into the ocean, I took a leap of faith, and asked Him to reveal himself to me. I said that it didn’t have to be right now, but if he so desired, to please send a reminder of His love for me. Later on in the evening, I went to the local coffee shop to read and write and it just so happened that while I was sitting there, my wish had been granted. God revealed himself to me through a song, the only song in the entire world that could have confirmed that His finger print was on it. As the sweet symphony echoed through all four speakers of the coffee shop, I was dumbfounded. This was OUR song. What I mean is that, this was the song I had dedicated to the Lord only months before. It wasn’t gospel, or popular, most people wouldn’t recognize it if they heard it, but every time I would play this song on my iPod, I would sing it to God, as though I had written the love lyrics myself.  I would have never in a million years, thought that I would hear this song in Asia and I knew better than to brush it off as a coincidence. This was God. The God-Bumps, hair-raising and warmth, swept over my body until I couldn’t contain my emotions. I unashamedly let tears of joy stream down my face as feelings of gratitude poured out of my heart. In response to my seeking heart, the Creator of the universe was expressing His inexhaustible love for me. As I sat there in awe, I sensed Him saying that he has longed for me to experience His love, and that he takes delight in giving me gifts like these.

 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” John 4:15

My whole life I struggled with obeying the word of God. I always justified why my sins were harmless and argued that they weren’t hurting anyone. When I would pray, I always felt like I was going to God with my fingers crossed, knowing very well that the next day I intended to commit the exact same sins again. You see, I viewed God as this angry person, similar to the preacher back in my childhood church days. Even though I heard so many times growing up, “God loves you, He gave up his only son for you, so that you wouldn’t have to perish”. I didn’t feel it, this notion, failed to stir up my heart. As I got older, I was always on the fence about following Christ. I knew deep down that a relationship with God, a real relationship, carries responsibility. I didn’t want to have a close walk with God, because I knew that a part of me, a very large part of me wanted to hold onto the very things that were driving a wedge between me and Him. My sin.

 “If you don’t love somebody, it gets annoying when they tell you what to do or what to feel. When you love them, you get pleasure from their pleasure and it makes it easy to serve them. I didn’t love God because I didn’t know God” -   Donald Miller

 For many years of my life, God seemed like an irrelevant distant being to me. Like the quote above says, I didn’t love God because I didn’t know God. I didn’t ever take the time to know God, therefore I didn’t have a deep love for him, which is why I didn’t think my sins mattered in the big scheme of things. I believed the lie, in thinking, that God and I were as close as we were ever going to be, so why should I go the extra mile, and turn away from my sins. However, as soon as I set out on this mission to seek God with my whole heart, He was faithful to fulfill the second half of the Jeremiah 29:13. He revealed himself to me. The truth about His love changed the way I viewed Him and his commandments. One of the biggest revelations for me, was when I learned that when I choose to sin, I hurt God. I realized that He is hurt because the sin itself is hurting me. That is how deep the love of God runs for you and I. Let that sink in for just a second. When you sin, you are hurting God.

Do you love God? Or do you Love what God does for you?

For some people, the scripture above that says “If you love God, you will keep his commandments” is a hard pill to swallow. For many years, I choked on saying the very words I love you, to God, because I knew my actions proved otherwise. It is easy to openly say that we love what God did for us, ( Jesus dying on the cross)  just as easily as it is to say that we love what the cleaning lady does for our house every Monday. But we choke when it comes down to expressing those three words to God because we know that our actions speak louder than our words. Not only that, but how can we claim to love God if we don’t take the time to get to know him? Deep love for another person means you do not continue to do the very things that hurt them, but the exact opposite. But when we don’t have a deep desire to know God then you are missing out on the best part of following Christ, an intimate relationship, and the blessings that come with giving Him you’re very best.

 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength”                             - Mark 29:11

The reason why it is so hard for some of us to obey the main commandment is because we haven’t made the commitment to getting to know God, to seek Him, with all of our heart. We think that this distance between us and God, is the way it is supposed to be. But its not. We were not made to do life alone without God, that’s what sin is, doing life on our own, without Him. Let’s take a look at some of the common misconceptions we have when it comes to building intimate relationships.

*It is impossible to deeply love somebody who you haven’t taken the time to get to know. I bet some of us have taken more interest in reading gossip mag’s to learn about the lives of celebrities rather than reading the Bible and learning about our Creator. The Bible is a giant love letter inspired by God himself, written for you and I.  

*How can we claim to have an intimate relationship with someone, but only really know them by association? If my friend was related to Julia Roberts, how stupid would it be if I used all of my friend’s stories as my own, and pretended that Julia and I were friends but I had never actually had a conversation with her before? Going to Church every Sunday, reading Christian books, and blogs may inspire us, but you can’t claim to have an intimate relationship with God simply by using other peoples experiences as your own. God is longing for you to experience his love and  taste the living water for yourself.

 *You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone, if you don’t allow the other person to have a chance to speak. Imagine if every time I invited you over for coffee, I would never let you get a word out, and every time that you tried to speak, I would cut you off and talk about myself again. There are two people involved in every relationship. God is waiting for you to pass the microphone to Him.  

 *You can’t claim to be friends with someone just by reading a book about them. I couldn’t claim to know Suzanne Summers personally just because I read a Bibliography about her. Reading the Bible alone will not make you closer to God. Many theologians have read the Bible and still came out unmoved. God wants you to know about him through the Bible, but he desires real conversation from both ends as well.

 “You will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul”-  Deut 4:29

 I can honestly say that if I did not set out to seek God with all of my heart I would not be writing these words today. I would have still been the same half-hearted, lukewarm, unstable Christian, sitting on the fence counting the costs of following Christ with reckless abandon.  I am so thankful that I put Gods word to the test, because He is faithful to his promises. He did reveal himself to me. I no longer have to read the testimonies of other women and feel left out, or wish I had the same relationship as them. Getting to know the author of this Universe, and inevitably falling in love with him, has changed my life completely. And I am thrilled to declare that I have my own authentic relationship with Him.  

 “God looks down from heaven on the children of man to see if there are any who understand, who seek after Him”- Psalm 53:2

Ladies, I don’t write this to you to brag about this ‘love relationship’ that I have with God. I do not put it on display as an example of how your relationship with God should be. But I tell you of this journey of mine to give hope to those of you who have not yet experienced the love of God. I encourage those of you who have not already, to make a commitment today, to seek God with all of your heart and soul. God is looking down from heaven, as I write this, into your heart, to see if any of you desire a relationship with him.  Let that sink in, God desperately wants to have a deep, authentic, intimate relationship with you. He wants you to know about him, He wants you to talk to him and He wants you to listen so that he can talk to you. God is just waiting for you to give him the opportunity to woo you, to sweep you off your feet and to express his immeasurable love for you. As with any, there is no short-cuts to building a intimate relationship with God and I can’t write out some special formula to guarantee that you are seeking him with all your heart. But what I can tell you is that God sees your heart, he knows exactly the amount of effort you putting into your relationship with him. Let’s put it this way, if you’re currently only giving God the last two minutes of your day before you fall asleep, mid-prayer, you can expect that your relationship won’t grow. God isn’t just some genie in a bottle who we rub when we want things; He made himself flesh (Jesus) so that He could walk with you and I, every moment of our lives.

As a result of reading this, I hope that you believe that God desperately wants a deeper relationship with you. His words are not spoken in vain, my friends, He will honor his word, and will reveal himself to you. So get excited, make the decision today, and seek God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength.

“When you will call upon me and come and pray to me I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:13