Who should I confide in?

“The godly give good advice to their friends, the wicked lead them astray” Prov 12:26

About two years ago I had been deeply hurt by the way a woman at my gym had been treating me. Every time I saw this woman she would purposely ignore me and when I would pass by and say ‘hello’ she would not look me in the eyes or respond. After weeks of me ‘repaying my enemy with kindness’ I started to get annoyed by the amount of disrespect she was still giving  me.  One day while I was at the gym, I confronted her after she said something rude. In my passive agressive tone I said “Really? Is that why you’re so upset? Maybe it’s time to tell me the real reason why you’re being so rude to me”. My words obviously shocked her and she walked away. I was so mad that she refused to tell me why she had this grudge against me and was left with the tormenting thoughts of her hating me for something I didn’t do. I’m pretty sure I went to God and vented my feelings to him but the mouth-watering temptation to get even and gossip about her was enough to ignore my heavenly conscience. So what did I do? I unleashed my fury to my army of friends who I knew would tell me what I wanted to hear. I was not looking for advice, Oh no, I was looking for people to agree with me, and confirm that this woman was indeed evil. In the weeks to follow they would say “How’s the psycho lady treating you?”. I would laugh and pretend that I wasn’t bothered by her anymore, but inside my heart was waging war against her and I could feel every ounce of my peace depart with every insult I spoke against her. After a month of confiding in the wrong people I eventually confided in a friend who gave me heavently advice which led to me doing the right thing in the end. I humbly confronted the woman, and apologized for the ‘thing’ I unknowingly did to upset her and we were both able to move on.

 “ A good persons words are a fountain of life, but a wicked persons words hide a     violent nature” -Proverbs 10:11

Why is it important to choose who you confide in?

The Bible says that the ungodly will lead you astray. I bet each one of us can think of one friend who doesn’t offer the best advice, but says things to make us ‘feel’ or I should say ‘fuel’ better. When we accept the advice from the wrong people, they add fuel to your fire. In my situation, these friends comforted me by saying “Oh, she is just a stuck up b*t*, just tell her to f-off”. I have to admit, I did get a sick sense of pleasure from imagining myself saying that to her. However, because I chose the wrong people to confide in, my healing was postponed and my relationship with God was put on the back burner. Even though the people giving you 'worldly' advice may be your friends they will never tell you that you are in the wrong, and will always verbally gang up on your opponent. This is the very reason why so many of us intentionally choose 'these' people to ‘vent’ to, because we know they will back us up to any extent. However, The Bible says their advice is foolish and if you do take their advice you will be led astray from the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

“…but wisely spoken words can heal” -Proverbs 12:18

The Bible says that the godly give good advice to their friends. Their words are spoken wisely and their advice is guided by heavenly wisdom. They desire for your peace to be restored and for you to overcome the situation. In my experience written above, I finally asked for advice from a friend who I knew would tell me the right thing to do. They prayed for me, and the next morning I dealt with the situation properly. We need to accept the advice from the ‘wise’ even if it sometimes means humbling yourself and admitting that you were in the wrong. Proverbs 12:1 says “Any who love knowledge want to be told when they are wrong”.  The true friend will tell you if you are in the wrong, and will correct you if you are being led astray by other advice. Try to think of one person right now who you will choose to confide in from now on who will give you heavenly advice.

“Worry weighs a person down; and an encouraging word cheers a person up" - Proverbs 12:25

Why is it that when we are worried about something we need to tell everyone about it. We tell our neighbor, sales clerk, sister, friend, teacher even our dog. Worry is like the flu, except we are so eager to spread it all over the place instead of keeping it confined to our selves. I am not saying we should keep worry to our self. Jesus says ‘cast all your worries onto me and I will give you rest for your souls”(1Pet 5:7). But the same principle applies when we need advice over something we are worrying about. Go to the godly person who will offer you heavenly advice. Like the Bible says, their words will cheer you up. Don’t bring your worry to the friend/people who are worry-warts, the Bible says they will weigh you down. Ask for an encouraging word from the friend who you know you can count on to life your spirit.

“Sensible people accept good advice”- Proverbs 10:8

If you are smart you will accept the advice from the wise friend and reject the advice that will lead your heart astray from doing the will of God. Of course we should always first turn to God for advice and listen to the Holy Spirit for direction. However, the Bible says that when we are seeking guidance from a friend, the godly will give us good advice. After years of confiding in the wrong people, I am now learning to tame my tongue and only share my private matters with the people who will offer me heavenly advice and who I know I can trust.  Our goal as Women of Faith is to build our Christ-like character, and confiding in a friend who will provide heavenly wisdom, is one way to grow in your spiritual maturity. Choosing to confide in the wrong friends, will only add wood to the ‘fires’ in your life. This will always result in a loss of your peace and inevitably will cause the condition of your heart to resemble the aftermath of a massive forest fire. The Bible says that “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” Prov 27:17. If you are a true friend you will tell a friend if he is in the wrong, you will tell him the truth even if it will be hard for him to hear. If you are the friend receiving advice, the Bible says “If you listen in correction, you will grown in understanding” Prov 15:32. Who you take advice from is one of the most important decisions we must make to become woman of great character and great faith.

Here are some questions to ask yourself

Who are the people I need not to share my problems with? Who will I go to for advice from now on? Who will I share my worries with? Am I a friend that offers heavenly wisdom, the good advice to my friends? How well do I take correction from a true friend? Do I know the difference between good advice and foolish advice?

I pray that you will be reminded to share you struggles and conflicts with friends who you can trust in to give you words of wisdom which are from the fountain of life. Instead of going to one another with issues to 'vent' about, why not approach your trusted friend by saying " I am going through something right now and I need you advice". Not only will this slap the spirit of gossip in the face, but the friend will be prepared to give you the right advice as opposed to just listening to you 'vent'. If you aren't surrounded by many 'godly' friends who you can talk to or ask for advice, why not connect with another IWOFaith member on facebook or over email.