1. Forgive them
Before you attempt to love your enemy, you need to forgive them in your heart for what they have done to you. When Jesus was on the cross looking at his ‘enemies’ casting lots over his clothes, he prayed “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” Matthew 6:12. Have you forgiven your enemy? The easiest way to know if you have actually forgiven someone is to monitor your mind and your mouth. If you are constantly thinking or talking (gossiping) about the thing(s) they did to hurt you in the past, then more than likely you have not forgiven that person yet. If Satan can get you to talk, and even meditate on past offences, I can guarantee you are going to have a much harder time loving that person the next time you see them. The Bible says love takes no account to the evil done to it, so stop keeping track of all the mean things people have done to you and taking every opportunity to talk negatively about them with your friends. Remember, when you forgive someone you are releasing a prisoner, and then you will realize, the prisoner you set free was yourself. To forgive is to love.
2. Jesus said Love, not Like
There has been a study that has shown that 10% of people who ever meet you will not like you, and vice versa. I can admit to this. I mean, some people I just don’t generally click-with. They have different personalities and character traits that just seem to clash with mine. I think every woman can admit to the fact that we aren’t going to be fond of everyone we meet. That’s fine, Jesus never said we have to like everybody. What he did say, is that we are to love everybody as we love ourselves, including our neighbor and our enemy. Does that mean that we have to feel affection towards them? Call them up to see if they want to hang out? No, loving your enemy simply means that we treat them the same as we would with someone we like. We must be kind and respectful towards them, putting their needs before ours. Not treating them badly to their face, behind their back, or in our thought life. It means we focus on the good qualities of that person, instead of the negative. It means that we keep our mouth shut and resist the temptation to tell others how much we dislike the person, and all the reasons why we dislike them. Instead, we should be asking God to show us how to love this person better. We should be writing down and meditating on every good quality that person has. Once you put those loving thoughts in your mind, they will seep into your heart and eventually those thoughts will come out of your mouth. The Bible says “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). So if you can begin speaking nicely about this person, eventually your attitude towards that person will be sincere in love. We love our enemy with our thoughts, our words and our actions. 3. The Lord is your vindicator.
As I mentioned earlier it is our natural instinct as flawed human beings to want to retaliate against the person who has wronged us. In my previous post, I shared my struggle to overcome the countless temptations to get even with my enemy in the midst of her verbal spats. Although I resisted the temptation to fight fire with fire to her face, behind her back I took vengeance into my own hands…or rather in my own words. Here is a little recap of the aftermath; “Somehow I knew that in my heart, I made things worse for myself by gossiping about her. Not only did I feel less peaceful, but I sensed the Holy Spirit convicting me of my personal vendetta to get even with Jennifer and how this had replaced the trust I had in God to justify my case.” Talking badly about our enemy is the number one way that we feel justified for vindicating ourselves. However, the Bible says countless times that we are to not curse our enemies, but rather bless them (Lev 19:16) and that holding a grudge and gossiping about them will make us less peaceful (James 3:8). We need to be like David, when he found himself at yet another standoff with King Saul, who had been trying to kill him for years. Moments after he spares Saul’s life for the second time, David says to Saul;
“'I will not do harm to my Lord, for he is the Lord's anointed king.' See, my king, see the skirt of your robe. I cut it off to show you that I would do you no harm, though you are hunting after me to kill me. May the Lord judge between you and me, and may the Lord do justice for me upon you; but my hand shall not touch you." 1 Sam 24:12-15
If David would have stored up bitterness and anger in his heart towards Saul, there is no doubt that he would have probably given into the temptation to attack Saul. Instead, David surrenders all his worries unto the Lord and trusts that God will plead his case and judge Saul according to the evil he has done towards him. Some of you reading this desperately need to start trusting God to settle your cases, instead of being the judge of everyone around you, and every war you find yourself in. We need to stop taking vengeance by talking negatively and ruining the reputations of our enemies. It doesn’t matter which way we go about attacking our enemy, we will never be justified or have a clean conscience unless we do what David did and allow God to be our vindicator. One of my favorite scriptures to rehearse (in my mind) around my enemy are the words David spoke the day he spared Saul’s life:
“May the Lord Judge between you and me, for my hand will not strike you, my mouth will not curse you and my thoughts will not think evil of you. God is my vindicator” 1 Sam 24:15 (emphasis mine).
When we put our faith in God to vindicate us, we are trusting that He is a better justice maker than we are. This opens the door for Him to come in and settle our cases, but when we put our trust in ourselves and retaliate, we close that door on God.
4. It is not easy
After Jesus gave us this radical commandment to love our enemy he says, “What reward will you get by loving those who love you….and by greeting your own people? What are you doing more than others?” Matt 5:46-48. What he is pointing out is that loving people who love us in return, is easy. Moreover, Jesus is saying that loving your enemy is a challenge. You see, as flawed human beings, it is our natural response to want to get even, fight fire with fire, and withdraw our love from those who mistreat us. In my personal experience it was not easy to think loving thoughts about my enemy, let alone sincerely pray and look for opportunities to bless her. However, I can say, that as we crucify our own flesh, and look to the Holy Spirit for guidance, it gets easier and easier to love those, who are hard to love.
5. Trust Gods Timing and His Will-
"God has made everything beautiful in its own timing” Ecclesiastes 3:11. If you are expecting to change your enemy into a better person by loving them, chances are that you will exhaust yourself trying, like I did. One day after a failed attempt to get an enemy of mine to be nice to me, I broke down to my husband saying “I just don’t get it, the Bible says that we overcome evil with good, but I haven’t really seen a breakthrough in her life. It almost seems as if she hasn’t been affected at all by my light”. Then Andrew said something that spoke volumes to my heart, “Jaycee, God said that we overcome evil with good, he said the light would flood the darkness, but he didn’t give you a timeframe. We don’t know or understand Gods timing, but you need to trust that his timing is right”. If you are waiting on God to convict someone of their bad behavior, you need to sit tight and trust that everything will work out on Gods watch, not yours. In the meantime, the Bible says to “Pray for those who persecute you and continually use you” (1 Thessalonians 5: 17-18). The bible wouldn’t tell us to pray for our enemy if it didn’t generate some sort of change within them. The reason we are called to pray for our enemies is because there is power in prayer. The Bible also says that there is power when two or more people are gathered together in prayer. So why not get in agreement with one of your Christian friends and ask them to pray with you about your enemy. Have faith in God.6. God is testing you
Try to remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. “What Satan meant for evil, God will turn out for good” (Genesis 50:20). One of the Devil’s goals is to cause conflict and destroy relationships between people, and if he can get you to hate someone, then he thinks he has won. Don’t let him win!!!Try to remind yourself that God is not only seeking to change your enemy into a better person, but He has allowed this person to come onto your path to produce some sort of fruit in your life. Maybe it is to teach you humility, patience, kindness or to work on your love walk. God will not allow you to be tested with more than you can handle, so remember that God is with you, watching you and rooting for you to pass this test. As it is written “we are all, being transformed into His image, from glory to glory” 2 Corinthians 3:18. So praise God knowing that He is offering you an opportunity to grow from who you are now, into someone better. With each temptation you overcome, your character is changing from glory to glory, so that you may reflect to love of Christ, and be made perfect in His love.
7.Humble yourself and acknowledge your wrongs
The Bible says “clothe yourself with humility towards one another for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” 1 peter 5:5. If there is conflict going on between you and your enemy, why not be the first one to say sorry. God will give you grace, and the Bible says all peacemakers will be blessed. In some circumstances, it can be really challenging to humble yourself before the person who has really hurt you. In my previous post, I share my very first humbling experience in the midst of the wrath of my enemy. As soon as I made the decision not to retaliate, I was able to humbly acknowledge my wrongs, and sincerely apologize for hurting her feelings. I can tell you the honest to God truth, clothing yourself in humility towards your enemy is one of the most rewarding things you can do, especially in the midst of their wrath. I received Gods peace, grace, and a clear conscience as I walked away, knowing that I had been obedient to the Word of God. Obtaining a humble attitude in this situation, means honestly answering the following question: Have I done anything to hurt my enemy? If you can’t think of any on your own, ask God to reveal to you the way(s) you have wronged your enemy. The Bible says that you are to humble yourself before God, but it also says that if your “brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift”(Matt 5:24). So be the bigger person, get off your high horse, eat a big slice of humble pie, acknowledge your wrongs, apologize to your enemy and be BLESSED!8. If you have the opportunity to Bless your Enemy, DO IT!!
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink” Romans 12:21 Not only does the bible say that blessing your enemy will bring them to shame, but it says that God will reward you with a blessing (Proverbs 25:21,22). It is really difficult for your enemy to continue mistreating you, if you show them that it doesn’t bother you. They will be confused, almost annoyed that their bad behavior isn’t rubbing off on you because what they really want is for you to sink down to the same level as they are. When you bless them, in any way, even by just saying hello and treating them the same as everyone else, it brings shame upon them. They Bible puts it like this “for by doing this, you will heap burning coals on their head” Rom 20:21. What this represented, back in those days, was heaping shame upon that person. As you may have read in my previous post, I had an opportunity to bless my enemy. Although she may not see it as a blessing, I was able to give something away in order for her needs to be put before mine. This has resulted in an abundant amount of blessings in my life and I am so thankful that I obeyed the prompting of the Holy Spirit to Bless my enemy. “Do not return evil for evil, but on the contrary, blessings. Knowing that you were called to inherit a blessing” 1 Peter 3:9. Why not ask God today if there is anything you can do to bless your enemy. Maybe you can say hello, start a conversation, bring them a coffee, or offer a sincere compliment. If you ask the Holy Spirit, he will give you some pretty radical ideas, I’m sure of it. All that is left to do is to Rejoice! Rejoice in the fact that we have been called to inherit the blessing that comes with loving and blessing our enemies.
